Velveteen

Published in After the Pause March 2022

No one ever touched me that I didn’t want to. 

Well, that’s not true. Is that true of any woman? 

But never beyond what I could shake off: a shoulder, a hip, a knee. 

The Hokie Pokie.

Turn yourself the fuck around.

But no one ever died on me. 

Well, my grandmother but we didn’t really know her. 

We didn’t really love her.

Is that allowed?

I wonder if anything has happened to me

To make me real

Rubbed soft and whole and loved and loving. 

Real enough to write good books,

raise good children,

dust all the parts of a house 

that I don’t think about. 

And if I don’t want to

Raise good children

Dust all the parts of my house

That I don’t think about

is that 

Allowed?

is that

Real?